Sunday, April 22, 2012

I refuse to be defeated!

I ordinarily only post about things I have made, but today I have to share something personal.
I may have mentioned that I have rheumatoid arthritis.  Two years ago this month I was diagnosed with RA.  I have to admit it was a scary thing to hear.  I did go through a mourning period but I have tried and tried to not let it stop me from doing what I love to do. (take care of my grandchildren, spend time with my family and friends, participate in church activities and sew)
It has been a challenge but I keep going.  I have tried (I think) all of the meds out there. Painful shots, infusions and lots of pills.  The med I am on now, Enbrel, is helping a lot.  Still have very swollen hands and fingers and pain here and there. I miss the life I had before. The predinsone (steroid) helped put 45 pounds on me.  I am now somewhat in control and have managed to loose 24 of them.  I have to keep going because I know that the extra weight is not good for my knees and feet.
For some reason, this morning I feel so sad and disappointed in my self for letting it get to me.
I have a wonderful family and a lot of caring friends but I feel so alone. I do not want to be a burden on anyone. I try to do everything for myself. I hate it when I get like this.
Sorry I am so pitiful today.  I have to shake this off quick!

I am working on a couple of projects in my sewing room so I guess I should go to my sewing (therapy) room and get started.

thanks for listening.......I will try not to write like this again.


  1. I imagine what you feel. Sometimes we are in high spirits and sometimes all things seem despaired. We have to wait that time spends and a moment after, all seem better.
    Be happy.

    1. thanks Laurence, I was feeling very pitiful yesterday. thanks for the words of encouragement!
      love you, barbara

  2. I know it must be hard. My sister also has it and Judy from Sew We quilt has it as well. I know it must be painful and very hard to see the things you could do with ease at one time. Hang in there....

  3. I understand! You can write to me anytime. I have had my battles with depression over it all. I am preparing for a May 22 knee replacement on the right knee now.

    1. thanks for the kind words

      Lola I will put you on our church prayerline and pray for you. I hope everything goes well with the surgery on May 22

      My aunt had both knees done at the same time when she was 79 and she is doing great now...5 years later!

  4. Kisses and hugs for you today. Just settle in and be loved.